RIGHT AT HOME

   RIGHT AT HOME

    

The music is hauntingly beautiful, the Right hand melody pulls us in with exquisite weighted tone with the  moving left hand accompaniment barely a whisper, a perfect balance. The melody, quite profoundly sad suddenly soars on the final line. But then the highest note is sustained, almost achingly so, until I must hold my breath until its resolve and listen to the tender pianissimo chords that end the piece. In the silence that follows, I finally lift my head to look at the pianist who has just played so sublimely.

It is my son Christian, he is only  just five years old. Our eyes meet and there is no need for words, he is completely aware of what he has just shared. And in that moment, as I look at my cherub, with his knowing blue eyes and wavy hair, I understand that his talent and brilliance were meant to be shared. I was simply entrusted by God to raise this little "Beethoven" boy whose gift was  so undeniable.

I do not claim that Christian is the next Beethoven, but because of our shared love of this composer and Christian's dramatic temperament, it seemed like "Raising Beethoven," is a fitting name for this blog. Besides, Christian is a teenager and still has his life ahead of him to develop his talents but everyone who has heard him play agrees that he has an extraordinary gift!

Christian has had some incredible dreams involving the piano but this is the first one that truly stood out.

     Shortly after he turned five, Christian had a very vivid dream that on the day he was born, he was wearing a tuxedo (with tails) and holding a conductor's baton and was whisked straight from the delivery room to the Jack Singer Concert Hall to conduct his first symphony concert. I still remember his tremendous excitement as my little boy shared his detailed dream with me while I listened with very wide eyes, recognizing it was rather remarkable.

    Immediately, after the dream, Christian became obsessed with owning a black tuxedo with tails...the longer tails the better. Most boys are excited to wear their favourite hockey player's jersey but my boy longed for his very own tuxedo.


 A month later, we were given reason to buy him one when Christian was chosen to make Jubilee Auditorium debut at the precious age of five in the Kiwanis Festival "Stars of the Festival." We found a tiny tuxedo that fit (no tails sadly, Christian was terribly sad about that part). He was only about 34 pounds, slim build and he looked utterly adorable. In fact, to me, Christian resembled an angel with his startling blue eyes and longish dark blonde curls. 

     I still pocket the memory as though it was yesterday, I was holding his hand as we walked into the concert hall together the day of his first sound check.  I caught my breath at the size of the theatre but tried to hid my nerves smiling down at him to ask "How do you feel, honey?"

Christian's eyes were bright and happy as he surveyed the theatre, he answered me honestly saying, "Mommy, I just feel right at home!" He then left to go and explore, still a most curious five-year old beneath all that talent.

Four months later and just turned six, Christian was asked to play at the opening of the new Alberta Children's Hospital in Calgary. Irene Besse, an iconic business woman/musician donated a unique piano that had angel wings to the hospital so it was huge honour for Christian to be asked to play it for the first time at this gala affair.



Later that year, Irene Besse asked Christian to play a donated Roland digital piano at the new Ronald McDonald House built near the hospital. Christian and his sister, Malia would share their musical gifts many times through the years for the patients, their families and staff. The experience would be incredibly meaningful for all.

"RIGHT AT HOME," they were words that would prove prophetic, this stage would be the first of many for Christian, the journey had begun.

BEETHOVEN'S SISTER

When my Beethoven boy was just two years old, he would chat incessantly about his need for a baby sister, often requesting one hundred baby sisters but, "AT LEAST ONE BABY SISTER, MOMMY, my little BEETHOVEN would demand quite emphatically.

Christian was a very articulate and strong-willed two year old and probably the most beautiful thing about him was his unwavering faith in God. So, he was good natured really about what his life would look like and feel like once his sisters had arrived and so began the waiting...and WAITING!

Well, of course, there is a practical side to having a baby and my husband and I very much wanted Christian to have a sibling despite many infertility problems. We were older parents and had so many things stacked against us in conceiving another miracle baby that we started to look seriously at adoption.

The simple fact was that I loved being a mother and it didn't matter to me where that child came from,  my heart was wide open and very willing.

During this period, I loved my many lengthy conversations with Christian who had a very kind heart and was innately musical. Even at eight months at age, Christian would wave his hands dramatically like a conductor whenever music was playing, always perfectly in time with the nuances of the music. Learning to walk at twelve months, Christian would reach up to push down a piano key with a secretly rapt expression on his face....he already knew that the piano would be his voice. Christian asked me daily WHEN HIS SISTER was coming, he was becoming impatient.

Late miscarriages and a serious eptopic pregnancy  turned Christian's quest for a sister towards adoption as a wonderful way to grow our family. Finally, we were matched with a beautiful little girl named Emma who was eighteen months old who had a young mother who was simply not ready emotionally or finacially to be be a parent.

Christian was over the moon and once this birth parent had selected us, things moved very quickly and we let Christian know that his sister would arrive within a week. Suddenly, a change of heart with the birth mother cancelling the adoption and we all shed buckets of tears. I remember Christian screaming at me in the van to drive to Emma's because HE, my articulate two-year old son, would convince the other mommy to let us bring his sister home.

Six weeks later with a heavy heart, just after my 40th birthday, I flew across Canada to Ontario for my job as an examiner for the Royal Conservatory of Music. I would be away for three weeks, the longest time I had ever been away from Christian and I missed him terribly. We would talk on the phone and he would talk about how his sister was still coming and despite anything I said to the contrary, my stubborn now three-year old was adamant that he would be a brother.

Two weeks into my absence, I had symptons of being pregnant but dared getting my hopes up because of the gut-wrenching 12 week miscarriage, I had endured the year before. I finally shared the news with my husband, he was cautious and we made the decision together not to say anything to Christian.

Weeks crept by and one day, when I was still only about six weeks pregnant, Christian came up and shyly put his hand on my tummy and told me proudly that his sister was in there. I was completely shocked and told him that wasn't true but everyday, he would come over and put his hands on my flat stomach and talk to his baby sister.

Eight and one-half months later, Malia Cheryle Ashley Kerr was born on February 16th and our dreams of giving Christian a  sister was a real-life miracle. Our baby girl was perfect, beautiful and we all felt so very blessed.

Poor Christian, who was now 3, had to wait two miserable days at home to finally meet his beloved sister because of a nasty cold/cough that he was battling. I can still remember opening the door and Christian shrieking with joy and him sliding down the stairs on his bum to greet her.  Ten minutes later, his two-day old sister wide-eyed and calm lay nestled in her new brother's arms as he read to her his cherished book, "Blue Hat, Green Hat." The Christian and Malia team were now truly official!

LOVE'S GENEROSITY

It is difficult to fully explain how much Christian's unwavering faith played a role in his darling, little sister being born.....destiny knew that Christian needed this precious little girl to help him navigate his extraordinary life, and it didn't matter that doctors had said it would and could not happen! Miracles rarely repeat themselves and we weren't supposed to even have our son, it was my greatest blessing to be a mother again.

Malia is Christian's biggest fan but her own talents are so bright that she is not the least bit in her brother's shadows. Christian's sister had her own big personality and yet brought a peace and understanding in times when Christian faced adversity because of his talents. ! Christian may not have had his desired one hundred sisters but Malia was more than enough, the bond between them was remarkable, tightly sealed never to be broken. Malia was Christian's luminous sunshine  during times when my Beethoven Boy was hindered by dark, ferocious clouds. Malia, from the age she could speak always wanted me to leave her bedroom door open so she could fall asleep listening to her brother practice his piano....the thundering chords and melancholy melodies somehow lulling her to sleep.

One particular story sums their relationship up best...

Christian, at age seven faithfully attended Sunday school and every week, the kids had an assignment..to memorize a bible verse and to answer some questions that made their faith more relatable to their every day life. Each Sunday, the students were given the opportunity to say their verse to their teacher and turn in their homework. As a fun incentive, teachers would give the kids Monopoly money, the amount dependent on what they completed. Then, every month, teachers would wheel in a trolley of treats that ranged from candy to small gifts to a few larger items. Christian took this very seriously and faithfully completed his assignments every week. He had paid special attention to the rewards trolley because one very large and special hot wheel racetrack kit  had caught his eye and despite being the most expensive, my little Beethoven was determined to earn it. Concerned about potential disappointment, teachers calculated that it would take my determined son the full school year to obtain the $80.00 price tag..(Monopoly money) and it only allowed room for one class absense. I tried to talk Christian out of his lofty ambition but he was absolutely determined to bring that race car track home the following June. So, thus it began..Christian was fully committed to earning his maximum three dollars every class and keep it safe in an envelope. Every Sunday, he would count his money after he arrived home from church. So, was my Beethoven Boy successful....did he come home that Sunday in June with his most coveted prize?

This is where the story becomes truly interesting....the day had arrived but Christian had to go to church with his Dad as Malia had a cold and I needed to stay home with her. Christian was understandably very excited, and I couldn't wait to see him after church and play race cars on his new most well-earned track.

My husband walked in the door first followed by my beaming boy who was carrying an enormous bag.

"Christian, I can't wait to see your track!" I asked excitedly.

"Well," Christian's grin widened, "I saw my track on the trolley and I was giving my teacher my money but then I saw this HUGE FANCY DOLL and it was the same price and I just knew Malia would love it.

My son's eyes were illuminated with such incredible joy but truthfully, I felt completely stunned, even chiding Christian a little saying, "But Christian, you wanted that special track for ten months and you finally had enough money to buy it....why would you ever change your mind?!!"

At that moment, three year-old Malia walked in the room and Christian joyously, graciously, presented her with the doll. My Beethoven Boy never mentioned that track again....he had found a greater gift that made his heart feel enormous, having the power to make his little sister light up in a smile and hug him tight.

I felt my eyes fill with tears, I had never been more proud of my son than in this defining moment.

Christian's generosity towards Malia never wavered in their life together. On holidays, we would tell the children to keep their eyes out for something special to take home after their two week holiday was over and we would set a dollar figure, usually $25.00 for them to spend. Inevitably, Malia would pick out a stuffie as SHE LOVED STUFFIES and Christian would take his time looking for something special. 

On more than one holiday, Malia would spot another toy or stuffie that SHE LOVED.... and suddenly, we would see her throw her arms estatically around Christian's neck because he had pulled out ten of his dollars to give her so she could buy a second toy.

One again, I would intervene reminding Christian that Malia already had a special gift and that money was his but he would just smile and tell me that he enjoyed spoiling his little sister.

My little Beethoven boy already had his own treasure, her name was Malia and she was his sister, forever meant to be.